The other day I went to our local grocery store because of a MAD craving for Skittles. I can't explain it, just sitting in my chair at work designing yet another web page, and the saliva glands started talk to each other. Strawberry; need artificial strawberry. I'm sure you've experienced this before with either strawberry soda (which as you know tastes nothing like strawberry), or something of the like. There's just something about artificial strawberry whether it's Starburst or Lifesavers (but that's cherry and I'm getting ahead of myself). They even have commercials describing people willing to tear each others throats out than give up the last "pink one".

Anyway, so I head out to the store and go down the official candy isle. Not the front registers, because that's just where the teaser candy is. Oh no, if you want to do it right, you have to go down the sugar high isle. The 5 pound bag that calls your name every time you pass by it, and you say to yourself, "Why would anyone not buying for a group ever purchase such quantity." Ok, so maybe it's dumbed-down in your head. Not in mine. The monster bags are staring me in the face and I'm thinking, I'm going to do it, I'm going to buy that unnecessarily large bag, IN FACT, I'll buy two! The larger the bag, the more bags there are, and the more possibilities for strawberry skittles, right? Wrong. Instead, at this time, the Mars Corporation decided to run this Mystery Skittle campaign. So naturally you have to guess the disgusting flavor of the mystery skittle to get points and win propaganda. Naturally, the bag is have filled with this crap. Out of both bags, I pulled 42 red skittles, much to my disappointment. 42, people! Is that not the biggest d**k tease you've ever heard?!? Probably not; there's plenty to rant about in this world that's trivial.

Nobody really eats the lemon and orange, so that leaves you with the purple and green which half of the people don't really like either. Enter another terrible flavor into the mix (by the way, it was Blue Raspberry) and it's all unbearable. Which leaves you with… the red. Luscious, succulent, dreamy red. The flavor like no other. It's as if someone was sitting in a lab one day trying to figure out how to enhance the artificial strawberry taste, and it's really just a combination mix of different chemicals that otherwise would be lethal. And then some jackass decided to taste it because it smelled goooood. Isn't that how all great-tasting products join the fat market?

So now that the stage is set, here is my argument. A pseudo-proposal, if you will. Kraft had it right. They paid attention to the needs and demands of the general public. They release the traditional Lifesaver package into the world and people quickly picked their favorite. Cherry. Another, "life-worth-living" flavor, by the way. So, the youngest of the board members, sitting at a meeting smacks his forehead (and his bubblegum) and says, "I've got it!!" The package of Cherry Lifesavers was born. Praise Kraft!

Mars should take a cue. People/Countries literally war over the most popular flavors IN EVERYTHING! Be it candy or warheads. Haven't you noticed how the big boys have all of the better toys? The smaller countries struggle to get their hands on the best candy in the bag, because they want to be big boys too, and we constantly bat their hand away claiming it for ourselves. But that's another story.

So in order to prevent war, Mars must sell a bag of Skittles entirely made up of strawberry skittles. Preferably the 5 pound bag. They must give the people what they want and stop the endless pursuit for the one flavor buried at the bottom of the bag. Frankly, I'm tired of throwing out entire bags of uneaten Skittles. Even in a pinch, they don't fill you up; they just remove the first layer of enamel from your teeth. What a waste.

I also bought a liter of Mountain Dew. The flavors just seemed to go together at the time.